Tag Archives: Oprah

How Selfish Are You?

Putting yourself first has gotten a bad rap because it’s so often equated with being selfish.  As ‘ good Christians’  we’ve been brainwashed to believe that self-love and heaven just don’t mix! Actually, I think the concept of self-empowerment or self-love was just a bit too threatening for the good old boy’s club–just my opinion!  You laugh, but these beliefs are deeply embedded in our psyches. As much as we’d like to deny them,  old remnants remain.

I would like to clarify the distinction.  Self-love is self-empowerment.  I believe this is what we’re here on earth to learn and to teach.  Self-love means that you value your worth as a spiritual being having a human experience.  Self-love means that you realize that you must put your oxygen mask on first.  Self-love is  our highest expression, our highest privilege and our highest responsibility.

Self-Love Implies:

  • I treat myself like I would treat a favorite loved one: adult, child or pet
  • I speak only words of love and support to myself
  • I give myself plenty rest, sleep and a good diet
  • I maintain good boundaries with others
  • I know my “no’s” and I know my “yeses”
  • I am authentic. I speak up for myself
  • If you don’t approve of me, it’s not my business

Lack of Self-Love (selfish) Implies:

  • I put others before me because I fear they won’t like me
  • My words and actions are often fueled by ‘not good enough’
  • I feel like I have something to prove
  • I secretly carry the belief that if others knew me they wouldn’t like me
  • I should sacrifice because that’s what I was taught
  • Hard work makes me a worthy person
  • I get ‘points’ in heaven for being a martyr
  • To be unworthy qualifies me for ‘Sainthood’
  • That I can blame then incubate resentment
  • At the heart of my giving is the belief that I am not enough.

I invite you to have fun with this as you examine which beliefs resonate with you.  Don’t beat yourself up about it.  Just use your best sense of humor.  Remember, you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.

Listen to “Why You Should Put Yourself First” with Oprah and Iyania VanZant

Loving yourself is a practice and a process.  Know that it is often two steps forward and one step back.  That’s okay.  Just remember to resist beating yourself up when you fall on your face.  Give yourself  kudos and chose again.

Self love is a great topic to tap on.  Please email me if you would love help getting started.  I’m here for you…


















Can You Guess What The Most Lethal Emotion Is?

Oprah, talk show superstar and rape survivor, says that for victims of abuse, their trauma is not about the sex it’s the shame that is so destructive.

Dr. Brene Brown, shame researcher, defines shame as that painful feeling that we all have that says we are unworthy of love and belonging.

What empowers our shame is our denial.  Any emotion that we push down into our ‘shadow’ (emotional cage) controls us.  It sabotages our ability to create the freedom and happiness we deserve.

So, what is the solution?  Transparency and empathy to the rescue.  Shame does not want to be outed! It does not want you to flex your courage muscle and admit that shame is in your face.  Shame does not want you to treat yourself like you would treat your beloved child if they came crying to you that they felt shameful.  Would you judge them and withhold love or would you empathize with them?  Empathy is lethal to shame.  It collapses the shame and opens the heart; whereas, judgment closes the heart and empowers the shame.

Here’s my challenge for you:  When you notice your shame rearing its head, invite it forward and give it empathy.  “Oh, there you are, shame.  Thank you for being so vigilant and protecting me. I give you all the space you need.” Counterintuitive as this may seem, it is one small step you can practice to erode shame’s grip.

Next time you catch yourself in an inner battle, turn it into empathy.  It’s the small steps you take with consistency that will collapse shame’s strong-hold over your life.  Ahh relief…

Listen to an amazing 4 minute chat with Oprah and Dr. Brene on Shame. Click here

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and hypnosis are effective practices for opening the heart.  Laurel is skilled in assisting you to achieve freedom  from challenging emotions, to live your life with grace and ease.  Go to:  www.EFTSoulPath.Com to sign up for her blog.