Oprah, talk show superstar and rape survivor, says that for victims of abuse, their trauma is not about the sex it’s the shame that is so destructive.
Dr. Brene Brown, shame researcher, defines shame as that painful feeling that we all have that says we are unworthy of love and belonging.
What empowers our shame is our denial. Any emotion that we push down into our ‘shadow’ (emotional cage) controls us. It sabotages our ability to create the freedom and happiness we deserve.
So, what is the solution? Transparency and empathy to the rescue. Shame does not want to be outed! It does not want you to flex your courage muscle and admit that shame is in your face. Shame does not want you to treat yourself like you would treat your beloved child if they came crying to you that they felt shameful. Would you judge them and withhold love or would you empathize with them? Empathy is lethal to shame. It collapses the shame and opens the heart; whereas, judgment closes the heart and empowers the shame.
Here’s my challenge for you: When you notice your shame rearing its head, invite it forward and give it empathy. “Oh, there you are, shame. Thank you for being so vigilant and protecting me. I give you all the space you need.” Counterintuitive as this may seem, it is one small step you can practice to erode shame’s grip.
Next time you catch yourself in an inner battle, turn it into empathy. It’s the small steps you take with consistency that will collapse shame’s strong-hold over your life. Ahh relief…
Listen to an amazing 4 minute chat with Oprah and Dr. Brene on Shame. Click here
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and hypnosis are effective practices for opening the heart. Laurel is skilled in assisting you to achieve freedom from challenging emotions, to live your life with grace and ease. Go to: www.EFTSoulPath.Com to sign up for her blog.
Joy is not a feeling. It is the result of a relationship you have with your heart -Michael Brown, The Presence Process
Enslavement by illusion is comfortable. It is liberation by truth that people fear -David Hawkins, MD
Honesty is the gold standard of our relationship with our heart. The heart longs for honesty, at all cost. Too often, however, honesty gets hijacked because we’re taught to push down painful, unwanted emotions. This results in incubating shame and guilt—the grist of heart pain. It also results in elaborate conflict as we attempt to distance from painful memories. The heart, longing for simple honesty and acceptance now contracts with the heaviness of dishonesty and shame. Is it any wonder that heart disease ranks highest in our mortality arena?
It is not the difficult emotions in your heart that cause your suffering. Rather, it is the judgment or denial of these emotions that creates your pain. We have so much fear around the territory of the heart that we treat it as a bogie-man. The truth is that it is your cover up that causes dis-ease—which turns into disease. Denial is infinitely more damaging than the courage of honesty.
EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) is a safe and gentle method for you to begin to ‘cut the crap’ and explore your heart with respect and compassion. It is your opportunity to experience those hidden feelings that you have pushed down due to guilt and shame. With EFT, you get to allow these feelings to surface free of self-judgment. Finally!
The secret to effective heart work is non-judgment and self acceptance. You will find that when you are able to accept with compassion whatever you find in your heart—and just let it be—only then will it let you be. The art of being with challenging emotions is the key to clearing their unrelenting grip on your life.
While this is not a practice for the casually curious, the tenacity of your heart honesty will reap you heart health in body, mind and spirit.
How To Watch Your Feelings here
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Tapping and hypnosis are effective practices for opening the heart. Laurel is skilled in assisting you to achieve freedom from challenging emotions, to live your life with grace and ease. Go to: www.EFTSoulPath.Com to sign up for her blog.
A popular belief in our society is that vulnerability equals weakness. I admit that I was once a member of that club. But, Oprah credits her success to her willingness to be vulnerable—to show up and be seen.
Years ago I taught a class at a local massage school. I usually pride myself on my teaching ability. However, this class was a disaster! I remember a woman named Rosie from that class. The reason I remember her is that it seems like I ran into her everywhere. It seems that Rosie showed up as a constant reminder of my failure. Every time I saw her, I’d hide my head and run. She was a reminder from the Universe that I pushed down and ignored. One day a friend invited me to a seminar. You can guess who the teacher was. Yup, Rosie! I decided that it was time to face my demons. When I walked in, Rosie gave me a polite smile. I cringed. Then I walked right up to her and blurted out, “Rosie, I have a confession to make. Every time I see you, I hide in shame because years ago you were in my class that I bombed. You are a constant reminder of how badly I did. I’m tired of giving my shame power over me and that’s why I need to say this. Thanks for listening.” She looked at me with bewilderment and quietly stated, “sorry, I don’t remember any class but you do look familiar.” In that moment, we both laughed together. All my shame vanished. Abracadabra! It was magical. My courage to be vulnerable freed my shame.
Secrets erode our well-being. I wonder how many folks resist asking for support because they are slaves to their shameful secrets. They fear judgment. I invite you to examine what you are hiding and where you could risk being more courageous and vulnerable. You just might love the freedom it brings you!
Listen in on a 4 minute conversation between Oprah and Dr. Brene Brown on vulnerability and courage. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fi0IEOBDRpQ
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and hypnosis are effective practices for opening the heart. Laurel is skilled in assisting you to achieve freedom from challenging emotions, to live your life with grace and ease. Go to: www.EFTSoulPath.Com to sign up for your 20 minute complimentary (no pressure) Discovery Call.